THE M4G3'S LAIR ~ Blog

web log web log web log! ... blog!!!

11/13/2022 - i have tried three distinct times to now to update this web log and failed. because the ADHD won. anyway hiii i'm still alive! i might be getting a job at an office supply store, wish me luck, it would be nice to not be so broke anymore. i want to make some new/overhauled pages soon, whenever i get around to it.... anyway! just a quick update for now. hope you are all well. goodnight!

Mood: off tbh Listening To: duran duran - hold back the rain
Reading: nothing tbh Watching: A History of Spam on the Internet - We're In Hell
Playing: DnD Eating: mint aero bar my beloved
Drinking: teaaaaa Lyric/quote: so true beefstie -loo

08/12/2022 - heyyyyyy. guess what! i live somewhere new now. i moved out and live with my bf benji + roommate friends now :) it's hot here, not more than where i was before in terms of degrees, but it's more coastal so it gets a lot more humid. plus we have no AC unit here, but with 5 ice cube trays and a fan in every room, we cope. i moved in at the beginning of the month, and while i won't get into aaaaaaaall the details, it's been nice :) definitely an adjustment, but... i like it a lot here, and i'm more than willing to put in the effort it takes to make this work.

what else has happened since my last entry... hm... oh! i'm gonna complain here a bit if you don't mind. the doctors appt i mentioned last update? i got immediately worse after it! i had to go to the ER the very next night. i've had like, 4 sets of x-rays, 2 MRIs, and like four appts total and like. i got some medication to help manage inflammation and another for pain, but i don't like the side effects of the pain med and the anti-inflammatory has only helped me a bit. i basically had to stay inside and at my desk for a month for the most part, aside from appts and a few short-ish hangouts with friends. i use a cane now, and it doesn't help as much as i'd like it to, but it definitely still makes life easier. i was good enough to move, but i'm still not anywhere back to my previous level of motion or mobility. i'm supposed to start physical therapy at some point soon, but we haven't made any appointments. i'm not super confident in its ability to entirely eliminate the issue, but i'll give it a shot.

oh, i got ADHD meds, at least! in better medical news. i got them just prior to the start of july, and starting just in time for artfight was the PERFECT opportunity to test their efficacy. y'all. it was FANTASTIC. i could step away from pieces and come back to them later? mulitple times? i worked on one piece between others for almost the WHOLE MONTH and still got it done? i finished 5 AF pieces, one commission, and a couple pieces. fucking incredible. i did also miss a couple days of meds, and let me tell you, i FELT the difference on those days. (i didn't take it today so i am STRUGGLING to stay on task to write this all out, lol)

TL;DR: i moved out, my hip suxx and i use a cane, and i am well medicated for my ADHD now. til next time <3

Mood: headachey Listening To: my chemical romance - SING
Reading: nothin currently Watching: netflix sandman (only on ep 2! no spoilz plz >.<;;
Playing: tetriss 99 Eating: cookie
Drinking: welsh tea Lyric/quote: YOU WANNA SEE HOW FAR DOWN I CAN SINK? LET ME GO!

06/22/2022 - happy summer! it's hot as shit out. not too much to say beyond that. no new job yet. thinking about becoming a pngtuber but idk what kind of stuff i'd do. going to the doctor tomorrow to see what's up with my hip pain. stuff's kinda weird in life and it feels like a lot is on the precipice of change and i feel uncertain because of it. we're mostly chilling though i think but i am a little apprehensive.

Mood: weird Listening To: Homestuck Made This World
Reading: posts Watching: star trek tng season 6
Playing: tetris 99 Eating: chisps
Drinking: ice water Lyric/quote: And I want to keep my crooked life even if it means blood

05/31/2022 - heeeeeyyyyyyy been a bit. did some updating around the site, updated the art page to have all this year's stuff, finally made an art archive to shove all last year's stuff onto (linked at the bottom of the gallery page), had a birthday so i updated my age around and such. have more i want to do, but i'm trying to get in the habit of pacing myself here instead of pushing every change i want to make all at once. used to do that, was way more fun and a lot less daunting that way. what's new in life? got laid off my job :/ unfortunate but it's ok i took this month and spend the better part of it with benji and had a grand old time with vim and some of our other friends :). one of which has started an already sick fuckin site on here, go check loo's page out when you get the chance.

Mood: determined Listening To: AFI - girl's not grey
Reading: code, duh Watching: OFMD, slowly
Playing: power wash sim Eating: green grape gummy choco
Drinking: vanilla coke Lyric/quote: This is goo.

02/10/2022 - hello people of the internet. how have u been? we haven't spoken since last year, wow! i haven't been up to much, up until recently. lots of hanging out with benji and company, some with other friends. i have a job now, as of last week. i am a cashier (mostly) at a convenience store. i'm.... alright at it i think? i'm surviving at least. don't Love it but i can do it. it's part time minimum wage, so no Big Bucks but it's money, y'know? some to save, some to spend, not too bad. i'm very tired so i'll fill y'all in later, love u xx

Mood: exhausted Listening To: cunk by jack stauber
Reading: posts Watching: star trek
Playing: borderlands 3 Eating: chocolate coin (1)
Drinking: ice tea mixed with watermelon strawberry brisk Lyric/quote: Digital life is fine — I’ll just join you online !

11/14/2021 - heeeey. updated the collection page a bit. updated cassette collection picture, added a new entry.

i'm gonna get a little personal here. november and december are really rough months for me. seasonal depression makes everything i have going on mental health-wise a lot harder, changes in the weather make my chronic pain worse (my hip is. so bad this week. i feel elderly.), and buried in here somewhere is the anniversary of something pretty messed up that happened to me about... wow, like, a decade ago this year, i think. which is a whole thing. it's been a weird year for emotions about the passage of time, too. anyway. suffice to say i am kind of Going Through It right now, and i think i'm coping better than i have in years previous, but i'm still not doing too hot. i don't really have anything huge to say i guess, but i suppose i am just worried that i'm dragging people around me down with how sad and fragile i am lately. putting it that plainly makes me worry that i'm coming across like i'm feeling sorry for myself, but genuinely i don't want to upset the people around me by not being okay at inopportune times... idk. i just feel bad ducking out suddenly, and i feel bad carrying on when it's obvious i'm not good. i suppose it's better that i have to consider these things, rather being wholly alone. i'm trying to see the bright sides of things...

beyond all that... i've had some good times hanging out with friends lately. a concert, small house party, going to the mall so much because that's all there is to do sometimes, it's been nice. i would like to do it more, though. i'm doing so terribly little with my time lately, i feel kinda bored and lonely.;; i'm trying to fill the time though. it's just hard to start.

Mood: 🙃 Listening To: My Chemical Romance - I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love
Reading: house of leaves Watching: the haunting of bly manor
Playing: ACNH Eating: candy corn
Drinking: green apple mtn dew Lyric/quote: take my fucking hand and never be afraid again

10/06/2021 - heyo, monthly update. moved in to the new place! it's nice. there's problems, but that's normal. much easier for me to walk places with my shitty legs, now, that we live in a much flatter neighborhood. and i can still walk to a 7-11! nice. i still have some stuff to organize and unpack, and i don't have anything up on my walls yet, but i'm settling in pretty nicely. had the boyfriend over this last weekend for the first time since the actual move and that was great. 😌 we hung out and went to some thrift stores and got boba and played d&d. 🖤

Mood: bored (x2 streak) Listening To: car seat headrest
Reading: that art friend kidney article Watching: star trek tng
Playing: deltarune ch 2 Eating: crumbs of salt&vin chips
Drinking: ice tea/watermelon lemonade brisk..??? Lyric/quote: did i sleep through the only years that i have for a future i don't?

09/12/2021 - hey hey! how's it going everyone. it's been a month, what's been up... well! i went to hella mega tour and realized my since-the-fourth-grade dream of seeing green day live. i DID cry. it was great. also went to an emo night BK party, and that was great. ben and i got together basically a month before the pandemic hit the US hard and quarantine started, so we haven't really been able to go to shows together since we've been dating. it's really nice to have been able to do that twice now 🖤 pandemic is still happening obviously so we're not gonna make a weekly habit of it of course, but it's been nice being able to like. microdose on normal couple shit. 🖤
oh! we're moving. my room is basically completely packed up. we're moving under... less than favorable circumstances that i won't get into the specifics of, but let's just say there's a construction-related problem and a very, very unhelpful landlord. but we found a place and we're moving in this week so :) its fine. its fine
oh, deviantART seems to have scrubbed the journal footers from all journal entries now that they've been merged in with status updates into the "post" category of content, so in memoriam, i'm adding that same footer to all my blog updates here from now on. end of an era, truly. RIP :(

Mood: bored Listening To: Tokio Hotel - Live Every Second
Reading: The Internet Is Rotting Watching: Means Morning News
Playing: cookie run Eating: pocky
Drinking: brisk lemon iced tea Lyric/quote: until our sword is in your side, all the best

08/08/2021 - happy vriska day 🎱 hello everyone. yesterday i got really mad at spotify for reasons that fourth strike brought to my attention here, and in a fit of blind rage i downloaded a shit ton of music and also winamp. and, uh, nearly 50 skins for winamp.

it's just... absolutely disgusting the way streaming apps like spotify treat their artists, and they keep finding new ways to screw over small artists in particular. and that's not even getting into how shit an experience this is for the listeners. intrusive ads and reduced features unless you pay for premium, and that money does NOT get back to the artists you stream in any meaningful way unless you are looping their music 24/7. this is music that you have access to, but that access can be revoked by several parties for any number of reasons. you pay to have it readily accessible to you, but you don't OWN it. i don't want my stuff changed or revoked without my say, so i'm gonna try to lean back into non-online-streaming media where i can. especially when the programs have this level of customization.

anyway that's that rant. support your favorite artists directly and cut out the middleman, if you can afford to (monetarily and storage-wise). bandcamp fridays are a great way to give back.

07/13/2021 - hi y'all. hope you're all well! i've been doing pretty bad the past few days, but i'm surviving. i really wanna make more interest pages. i've been wanting for a while to make some a page for little odds and ends i want to show off, like my radios and old devices and stuff. cool tech i have mostly. also a music page. i really like vomitboy's record store page, i'd really like to do something similar in spirit to that.

06/11/2021 - hiiiii. happy pride month everyone! what's happened in the last few months... um.... got vaxxed up, went on a little friend trip, played hella video games, had a birthday... that's most of it! i made the blaseball page finally. and i fixed the page layouts so they fit the average screen a bit better and don't scroll unnecessarily... pretty happy with it ^^.

got some new friends... a bat plush from the living desert zoo gardens, archie the 12" hot pink axolotl squishmallow, stump the 8" skeleton cat squishmallow, and a 8" light teal axolotl not-quite squishmallow. (thank you to my darling boyfriend ben for the gifts of the latter two 💖💖💖)

02/25/2021 - hey web-surfers, long time. what's new! i added a cbox chat at the bottom of this table if you ever wanna say hi or comment on anything ^_^ be nice but go ape.
hmm... what's been going on... well! it was my boyfriend and i's first anniversary last week so that was pretty cool. i got a boombox for $8 at a goodwill and have tapes to play on it now. i got a bed bigger than a twin size for the first in my life. i got really into blaseball. started rewatching a lot of ~cringe~ shows... idk what else! its been some time since last update that i forgot whats new and whats not since then haha. hope you're all well!

10/12/2020 - happy spooky month, everyone. hope you're well! i've been busy with life stuff, cringetober prompts, and working on OasisQuest again. me and a lot of really skilled and wonderful people work on that project, so please check it out if you have the time! i'll be putting up a page on this site dedicated to it once i get around to it. oh, i've been watching some anime again lately to pass the time. i'm rewatching higurashi, and my sib and i started saiki k. good stuff.

08/11/2020 - i gotta stop promising i'll update this site regularly because that's like the number one way to guarantee my unmedicated ADHD-having ass won't do a task. terrible at forming habits, for better or worse. anyway hi it's been a little over a month? what's been going on, hm... i did artfight... an old project kicked back up, so stay tuned for that... i'm thinking about how to rework the art page and also i'm gonna stop uploading the originals LOL i'll make em smaller. standard height or something. anyway later!

07/04/2020 - heyyyy! i stopped actually updating for a month there... june flew by in a flurry of executive dysfunction and fucked up sleep patterns. soz! i was in a bigger slump than usual. but i stopped not drawing and now i'm feeling regularish enough to come and update this! that's something! i set a weekly reminder on my phone so hopefully that'll get me back into some sort of update pattern. for the meme of the week at least, if nothing else. anyway i've been making kandi and listening to nightcore and drinking monster so i guess i'm a scene kid now. kid me would approve, i always thought scene kids were so cool.

05/22/2020 - oh wow, this lil ole site... passed 20,000 hits!!!

thank you so much!! i never thought my lil personal site would get so many pageviews but.... :') it means a lot. i have a lot of fun working on this site, so.

05/18/2020 - ah yes, the yearly day-of-editing-my-bios-everywhere! happy birthday to me! i'm 22 now. woooooooooooooooo! i don't have much to say because birthdays are weird. i still have class today so i'll be doing that in an hour. The Party(tm) is coming over later for some (safe!) festivities and I was so excited at the thought of meatspace interaction with people that aren't my family for the first time in months that I couldn't sleep. woke up to rain which is nice, for me. i'll get some new art uploaded here later. peace.

05/05/2020 - new homestuck art for homestuck zines coming eventually. check me out in 3UPHOR14 and Zinobiology when those come out! will share here when allowed to.
been super depressed and lethargic because dysphoria. super sucks, haven't been getting shit done. it'll pass though. had some cake today which was nice. been playing like, SO much borderlands 3 because I have the time to and it's a good distraction. finished the main story! still don't think [SPOILER] should've happened but c'est la vie. gonna start the DLCs tonight if I feel up to it.
i keep forgetting to change the meme of the week when the week changes. i should set a reminder on my phone.

04/27/2020 - spent a whole day painting vampire mikey way. figured out a better way to lay out my art gallery page than just... using an increasingly long transparent pixel and stretching it. hint: invisble table. heh. my body's kinda sore today. probably would be helped by moving and not being hyperfocused on a single art piece for several hours at once.

04/25/2020 - woo hi!! i am TRYING to be productive while home-stuck. i have been practicing bass guitar, coding, working on another patch jacket.... ngl i'm Struggling a bit because the global situation and the way its impacting my own life isn't doing my mental health any favors, but I'm doin my best to cope by still Doing Things. online school is not a good fit for my adhd ass so I will probably drop 2 of my 3 classes... sigh. oh well! i voicechat with my boyf + friends almost every day and i have animal crossing and emo music to get me through it.
oh i made a friendproject page, if you wanna check that out. :3

04/09/2020 - wow look we're live!!!! this only took me like a week and that was mostly procrastination. woo! anyway hope you like the new look :)

04/05/2020 - when this goes up, it'll already be old! i'm blogging here during the development of this new site layout. it's looking cool so far! i'm pleased with it. :D

my work on the MCRV site has kind of inspired/emboldened me to make my own site a lot more cohesive and organized than it was. it's a bit tough to strike a balance between that and the vibe and aesthetic I want this site to have, but i think embracing the emo/blingee/myspace/deviantART feel is working out.

building a template right off the bat is helping a lot too. each page in the first couple iterations of this site was pretty much its own event, usually either put together from scratch or frankensteined together from previously written code.

~ Original Est. 13 March 2019 - Un-est. 17 January 2020 - Re-est. 05 April 2020 ~ Personal and site development journal ~ Hello! I love you ~